SOMETHING'S GONE WRONG WITH THE VALE

                                        SOMETHING’S GONE OFF IN THE VALE

Loch Lomond. Many songs have been written about this body of water and its beautiful surrounding bens and glens. “By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes / Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond…” This drinking-water reservoir overflows into the River Leven which wends its way through the Vale of Leven where it pours into the River Clyde at Dumbarton Castle and Rock.

Vale of Leven from Carman Hill

The Scots love writing songs about everything. There is even one called “The Song of Clyde” to which, on account of industrial pollution in the 60s and 70s, the famous comedian Stanley Baxter adjusted the lyrics accordingly, and sang the spoof “The Pong of the Clyde.” But meanwhile back in the Vale of Leven.

I grew up in the Vale of Leven with my two older brothers and two younger sisters. We have all a long since departed from “That lovely valley where the Leven flows” (aye, words from yet another song!). However, memories of the Vale of Leven with its ubiquitous view of the proud head and broad shoulders of Ben Lomond stay with you wherever you go. The snow-capped Ben Lomond has been etched into my retina! We used to row our sculling boats, fours and eights on Loch Lomond. We used to lean over the side to scoop up mouthfuls of its pristine waters. We’d swim in it in summer and skate on it whenever it froze solid. Aye, “The wee birdies sing and the wild flow'rs spring / And in sunshine the waters are sleepin'; / But the broken heart it kens nae second spring / Tho’ the waefu’ may cease frae their greetin’.” Och, it’s really difficult not to burst into song about the place! Although Anglicised, the Vale of Leven is full of poetic Gaelic names describing the terrain. Indeed, it was due to these placenames that my eldest brother, Fearghas, began to learn the neglected language. But here’s the rub.

Note the brown "slope of sludge" on the hilltop

The beautiful Vale of the Leven has grown a great puss filled carbuncle on its eastern hills. Observe: The word “Auchencarroch” leapt out of an article big brother Fearghas was reading. “Sewage sludge used to be disposed of at sea at Garrioch Head in the Firth of Clyde. But this was stopped because surprise, surprise the sludge was polluting the marine environment. So where to now does it go. Well where better than the rural hills of Auchencarroch above Loch Lomond and the National Park.” (From an online comment, 9 Jan 2022.) Scandalous!

I have often wondered if yon sewage ship still sailed out to sea towards Ailsa Craig to take a dump so as to feed the fish on the West Coast of Scotland recycled nutrients was still in action, what, with all the “Save the Planet” movements going on nowadays. But alas! It seems that (a wee bit hyperbole in play here) they now sail the “ship of stools” (you’re going to have to excuse the rude and crude puns here) up the Clyde, then up the Leven to Jamestown, put it on rollers and drag it up the Auchencaroch Brae to convert the effluence to affluence for the obviously corrupt (inebriated or simply insane!) Boards, Councils and Agencies.

Comment mentioning Auchencarroch

Aye, maybe the sludge sloop, keich ketch, sh-te ship no longer flies the jolly-jobby flag (Jobby Roger?) from its highest mast as it takes humanity's stench far out to sea. It simply unloads its corrupt cargo of compost to have the foul-smelling toxic Number 2 material transported through the beautiful Vale of the Leven. Deposit it up a hill so the (h)ill winds can carry its waft through the village. The Vale has gone from the sweet smells of the malting process from the local whisky distilleries wafting through the air to the eyewatering pungency similar to right after faither’s been to the lavvy, aye, from eau de cologne to literal toilet water! They cleaned up the “pong of the Clyde.” How are they going to clean up the sludge on the slopes?

My other brother, Stuart, wrote the following in an email to his siblings:

“Beautiful vale, beautiful vale,” they would warble at the steps of Loch Lomond Rowing Club. On a traditional Saturday night, departing members would be singing with undiscerning ease as the wee bar closes and members disgorge into crisp air… “Beautiful Vale o’ the Leven..."

 

They lift their eyes to the gentle slopes of grazing elevations beyond, up in the fading shadows, their own hills, the proceeding and receding hills of their fathers (and also their mothers), shades of curious twilight, of waning brows and folding crests. “Beautiful Vale of Leeee-ven”, they sing, the vale of their own people, where earthly silhouettes meet the frowning darkness of the sky; they breathe the comfort of a languid breeze, and yet from somewhere indefinable… a whiff of, what, of possible putrefaction.

It’s easy to be poetic about Vale of Leven, of Carman, of Auchencarroch, yet on the hill the very harvest moon ascends with eternal inspiration, there is a scar, a fell shadow upon this vale of ours, a humiliation visited by our own ungrateful elected representatives, I say, and the bloated officials whose wretched silken socks and probably initialled underwear we finance through fatted salaries : 

A landfill neither hidden from view, nor buried from the perceptions of eye, or of ear, or of nose, a stinking sludge dump. A feculent insult to hapless inhabitants downwind, placed with scientific precision on the highest point of their valley’s erstwhile distinction. A carbuncle, a cesspit, a pitiless pit of pertinacious tumult and torment.

You will find no mention of sludge dump on the documents that guided it there. Merely the bland language of inhuman carelessness essayed by faceless officials (who live in leafy Bearsden) determined to make the unacceptable inevitable.

 

It did, of course, find no objections:

3. CONSULTATIONS

1. 3.1  Loch Lomond & The Trossachs National Park Authority has no objection to the proposal and considers that the impact on landscape character have been adequately addressed. Despite the close proximity to the National Park, there will not be any significant indirect landscape impacts or magnitude of change. They do however recommend that lighting, materials and landscaping are carefully considered and conditioned accordingly.
2. 3.2  West Dunbartonshire Council Roads Service has no objection to the principle of the development since there are no additional incoming trips being generated by the proposal. They do request that the existing days and hours of operation restrictions be applied to this application.
3. 3.3  West Dunbartonshire Council Environmental Health Service has no objection to the proposal, provided that development is undertaken in accordance with the details submitted as part of the planning application.
4. 3.4  Scottish Environmental Protection Agency has no objection subject to conditions relating to SUDS, material recovery facilities, a waste management plan and site specific construction method statement.
5. 3.5  Scottish Water, West of Scotland Archaeology Service, Scottish Natural Heritage, and British Airports Authority all have no objection to the proposal.

4. REPRESENTATIONS

4.1 None.

Stuart

Stuart, Catriona & me where Leven meets Clyde

So there you have it. The Vale has gone stale! Loch Lomond and its bonnie banks and all the way down the Vale of Leven is often referred to as “God’s country!” by its inhabitants. We love walking on its bens and through its glens. Cow-pies, deer-droppings, sheep and rabbit pellets weren’t too hazardous. But the guff of the other stuff is more than we can bear! There must be better ways of disposing of the very thing we don’t like hitting the fan! So, here’s a wee reminder from the Bible just to let you know that Almighty God cares about these things. It’s dead easy. What if the Lord Himself were to walk on those hills? Aye, if the people of the Vale ever want to receive the blessings of God again, consider, garner and apply the general principles found in the following:

“Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. For the Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you” Deuteronomy 23:12-14 NIV.

Aye, someone said about a referee at a Rangers versus Celtic match that we should “Dig a hole and bury him!” That man knew not of what spirit he was. However, if the Vale folk would seek to honour God, then they ought to dig a hole and bury it – but not on a hillside overlooking the beautiful valley, no, not (as the commenter has well-said, on “the rural hills of Auchencarroch above Loch Lomond and the National Park.”