LORD, IT'S HARD TO BE HUMBLE

                                                                Lord, it's Hard to be Humble

Stuart McKinlay: I bet no-one’s humbler than me.

Neil McKinlay: Out of modesty I didn’t want to admit it, but think that I may be a wee bit humbler than you.

Stuart McKinlay: No, I must insist, I am the very Uriah Heep of cloying humility, unctuousness, obsequiousness, and insincerity, making frequent references to my own "'umbleness".

Neil McKinlay: your attempted condescensions only serve to convincingly substantiate and authenticate to me my own predilections towards self-deprecating deferentialness. However, to un-ostentatiously illustrate to you my magnanimity, I shall deign to ascribe to you your preferred and avidly sought after status of most humble man.

Stuart McKinlay: Quite right, yet one has no call to be “ever so ‘umble”, who can out-Dickens Dickens and the ungreat me at the same moment, which means, on the other ‘and, you oxymoronically take pride of place as the ‘umblest. I’ve quite lost the plot.

Neil McKinlay: Plot? What plot? The plot Dickens? ‘Umble, ‘umbler, and what I’m blest at being, ‘umblest.

Stuart McKinlay: There ye go, excelling again, first in ‘umbleness. And now in paranoia: “Plot? What plot?” And I like that: “The plot Dickens”. Which shows you also excel unhumbly in 18th-19th century English literature: only you would know the pun was then the height of wit.

Neil McKinlay: The pun was then the height of wit? Yes, my literary geniusnesses on 18th-19th century English literature’s characteristics, customs, and conventions perhaps more appertain to serendipitous happenstance than any conscious command and comprehension of the aforementioned on my part. But, then again, maybe I’m trying much too hard to be ‘umble. Verily, humility is as hard to grasp as the soiled hand of a Dickensian street urchin.

Stuart McKinlay: Quite so. The plot sickens. And you will, of course recall in Master and Commander by Patrick O’Brian, your fellow expert on the period, a pun takes the biscuit…

Neil McKinlay: The lesser of two weevils? With all humility, I think I got and have now caught the pun bug.

Stuart McKinlay: Ye see, you win again: A frank and fool admission.

Neil McKinlay: Yes, my foolproof humility is full-proof. No pun appended! Hey, I see what you did there by saying the following about me, “you also excel unhumbly in 18th-19th century English literature: only you would know the pun was then the height of wit.” Your cunning plan and covert attempt to surreptitiously (and split infinitively) impute to me knowledge that only you (not I) possess has been sprung. Thus, in light of this ascertainment, in all humility, I must admit defeat and concede to you all the honour of my admission of your being more humble than I. Do not let this conceding concession on my part go to your head. I merely disclose it to you for your personal reflection towards your greater edification.

Stuart McKinlay: Most perceptive: Lord, it's hard to be humble But I'm doing the best that I can…