RUNNING, SHOES, & BEER

RUNNING, SHOES, & BEER

Running Back & Forth from Glasgow & Brisbane (with Beer at the Finish)

Warning: Some of the following is written in Glaswegian, but don’t let that stop you from having a wee laugh!

Warner Lakes Parkrun, Brisbane

Stuart McKinlay: You've all heard the great advertizing slogan, The Appliance of Science...Neil pushes the boundaries beyond the limits of known human endeavour folks, slipping the surly slipstreams of earthbound physics, breaching the tawdry limits of yon numpty Newton, outwitting the havers of that auld dodderer Einstein, bursting forth from the havers of Hawking... Ladeez 'n'Genlmuns... We gives you the veritable, the unquestionable, the ineluctable Warp-Factor-Bustin Actual Defiance of Science in the Pavement Pounding Person of...the Warner Lakes Whirlwind!!!

Neil McKinlay: I like it – the Warner Lakes Whirlwind!

Alf Tupper, Tough of the Track

Stuart McKinlay: Life in the fast lane: And here he is, Neil's flamboyant prowess illustrated in the shape of Alf Tupper, a working-class, "hard as nails" hero. The inspirational lookalike's adventures were run under the title Tough of the Track, which appeared first in the Rover and then the Victor boys comics. Neil, Canadian-born, and living in Brisbane, was brought up in Vale of Leven, Scotland. Some say Alf's the spittin' image of our Warner Lakes Whirlwind.

Vale of Leven is also home to Lachie Stewart, a fellow star of the track. Stewart, a former distance runner, is an inductee in the Scottish Sports Hall of Fame. Stewart's athletic career saw him compete at the 1970 Commonwealth Games in Edinburgh, where he won Gold in the 10,000 meters over Ron Clarke of Australia, and the 1972 Summer Olympics in Munich.

C'mon the Vale! as they say in Balloch where Loch Lomond's only outlet, the River Leven, flows into the River Clyde, not only famous for Neil and Lachie, but for shipbuilding, engineering and marine design. Some say it's the pure water that does it, others say it's the Scotch. You'll have to ask Neil!

Neil McKinlay: This Toff of the Track believes that one ought never to mix whisky with water. Mind you, a dash of H2O from Loch Lomond in one’s single malt to bring out the flavonoids is permissible if under a great deal of duress. Otherwise neat nips (sans glace) are what the doctor ordered, but only for medicinal purposes.

Stuart McKinlay: ... and doon in a wanner for efficacious purposes.

Neil McKinlay: From skulling boats to skulling beer, you were the best!

Stuart McKinlay: Tho' thon Thorfinn Skullsplitter fae the Ranton could fair knock one's eyes oot.

Neil McKinlay: Thon sounds like a psycho Viking berserker! A wee drap o vordo and it would be busted heids an pool cues fae him, then barred fae the Kind Man. Somehow it reminds me of thon Norseman Lager they tried to foist on us back in the glorious 70s. But then again, as they say here in Brisbane, “It’s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick”. Or as they used to say in Winterpeg, “It’s better than a kick with a wet mukluk”, but mibbe no.

Stuart McKinlay: Thank you Professor Gargle. We are indebted for your global analysis and look forward to your definitive guide Glugging Through A Glass Darkly.

Stuart & Neil

Neil McKinlay: The world is my oxter, even if I view it through bottom of a dirty whisky glass. From the distillation of the parochial to the cosmopolitan, the descending and condensing dew of it all ends up in the one shot glass. Aye, I toast God’s green earth with a view of the Glasshouse Mountains and a teary reminder of the dearly departed Ben Lomond.

Stuart McKinlay: Aye, t'wid bring a tear tae a glesh eye, the wanton loss o' the angels' share, a right waste, and yer right aboot thon Norseman lager, an aerated gripewater that'd fair gar ye grue, but no better at aw than "a kick with a wet mukluk" at aw, at aw. Which could have been the basis of an advertising slogan for the drain-gurgler, noo ye mention it, along the lines a' Ye've tried industrial waste, Noo try the baist, Norseman Mukluk -- Fair diz yer heid in pal!

Neil McKinlay: Ye’ve tried drinking oot o a wummin’s shoe? Well, that’s for sissies and big girl’s blouses. Ca’ yersel a Scotsman? Man up noo, and try a swally fae a big sweaty Viking’s brogue. Bet ye wulnae. Yeez ur aw pansies! I can just see the sales generated for “Viking Mukluk” craft beer from this type of marketing and advertising program. It will appeal especially to those who are grieving from the wanton loss of the angels’ share. Aye, “Ye’ve tried industrial waste, Noo try the baist, Norseman Mukluk!” We’re on to a winner here Stuart. I can feel it in my waters.

Stuart McKinlay: Exemplary marketing. We could trial it with a Moody Blue sort of wistful double-vision hame-fae-the-pub crooner: Oh, Wummin's Shoe/ Tell me who Ah'm talkin' to / Yoor like night an' day / Annit's hard tae shay / Which wan is yous...

Neil McKinlay: Aye, sung tae the tune of the auld Esso Blue “Smoke gets in your eyes” advert. Try this:
They asked me how I knew / It wis Wummin’s Shoe / Ah of coorse replied / Unlike foreign beers ye buy / This wan‘s fae Milngavie.

Wummin’s Shoe, the brew that goes straight tae yer heid like a wummin’s stiletto at a waddin fecht.
Norseman’s Mukluk, the brew that tastes better than a kick tae the heid.
Wummin’s Shoe is good for the sole.
Wade ashore with a Norseman’s Mukluk.
Wummin’s Shoe, the Cinderella of beers.
Norseman’s Mukluk, brace yersel, the long sips are coming!
Wummin’s Shoe, try one on!
Norseman’s Mukluk will be very much to your viking!
Wummin’s Shoe & Norseman’s Mukluk: a matchless pair.