Lord, it's Hard to be Humble
Stuart
McKinlay: I bet no-one’s humbler than me.
Neil
McKinlay: Out of modesty I didn’t want to admit it, but think
that I may be a wee bit humbler than you.
Stuart
McKinlay: No, I must insist, I am the very Uriah Heep of cloying
humility, unctuousness, obsequiousness, and insincerity, making frequent
references to my own "'umbleness".
Neil
McKinlay: your attempted condescensions only serve to
convincingly substantiate and authenticate to me my own predilections towards
self-deprecating deferentialness. However, to un-ostentatiously illustrate to
you my magnanimity, I shall deign to ascribe to you your preferred and avidly
sought after status of most humble man.
Stuart
McKinlay: Quite right, yet one has no call to be “ever so
‘umble”, who can out-Dickens Dickens and the ungreat me at the same moment,
which means, on the other ‘and, you oxymoronically take pride of place as the
‘umblest. I’ve quite lost the plot.
Neil
McKinlay: Plot? What plot? The plot Dickens? ‘Umble, ‘umbler,
and what I’m blest at being, ‘umblest.
Stuart
McKinlay: There ye go, excelling again, first in ‘umbleness.
And now in paranoia: “Plot? What plot?” And I like that: “The plot Dickens”.
Which shows you also excel unhumbly in 18th-19th century English literature: only
you would know the pun was then the height of wit.
Neil
McKinlay: The pun was then the height of wit? Yes, my literary
geniusnesses on 18th-19th century English literature’s characteristics,
customs, and conventions perhaps more appertain to serendipitous happenstance
than any conscious command and comprehension of the aforementioned on my part.
But, then again, maybe I’m trying much too hard to be ‘umble. Verily, humility
is as hard to grasp as the soiled hand of a Dickensian street urchin.
Stuart
McKinlay: Quite so. The plot sickens. And you will, of course
recall in Master and Commander by Patrick O’Brian, your fellow expert on the
period, a pun takes the biscuit…
Neil
McKinlay: The lesser of two weevils? With all humility, I think
I got and have now caught the pun bug.
Stuart
McKinlay: Ye see, you win again: A frank and fool admission.
Neil
McKinlay: Yes, my foolproof humility is full-proof. No pun
appended! Hey, I see what you did there by saying the following about me, “you
also excel unhumbly in 18th-19th century English literature: only you would
know the pun was then the height of wit.” Your cunning plan and covert attempt
to surreptitiously (and split infinitively) impute to me knowledge that only
you (not I) possess has been sprung. Thus, in light of this ascertainment, in
all humility, I must admit defeat and concede to you all the honour of my
admission of your being more humble than I. Do not let this conceding
concession on my part go to your head. I merely disclose it to you for your
personal reflection towards your greater edification.
Stuart
McKinlay: Most perceptive: Lord, it's hard to be humble But I'm
doing the best that I can…